1. It's a myth that cats and dogs don't get on. Take Kitty down to the park next Saturday and you'll see just how many friends she's got.

2. Save your cat all the trouble of self-grooming by plonking her in the bath next time you're having a long, hot soak.

3. Many pussies enjoy napping on a warm bonnet. Give her a surprise by jerking the car into reverse when she's fast asleep.

4. No matter the height, cats apparently always land on their feet... How can they be sure? Test Tigger with a long drop.

5. Recreate your favourite films by putting Marmalade on a hot tin roof. Or dying him black.

6. They may say that cats have nine lives, but you'll find a sharp blow to the head with the back of a shovel will put paid to all nine at once.

7. Curiosity kills a cat, so be sure to be boring and unimaginative in all your dealings with your feline friend.

8. A favourite pastime of all cats is fishing. Chuck Felix in where the water is deepest.

9. Put your cat among the pigeons by releasing him in Trafalgar Square.

10. An easy way to judge the size of a room is to swing a cat by its tail. If it bangs its head, you need to move.