Once merely a strip of road connecting Birmingham to Carlisle, the M6 is now a massive, searingly pricey, fuel-gargling coupe from BMW, with exhausts like drainpipes and a scathing indifference to the idea of travel at speeds below 95mph. It comes with a 10-cylinder engine, which is a good four cylinders over the odds by the reckoning of most coupes, and appears to be powered by thunder and lightning. If I were buying one, I would have a word with the dealer about the possibility of throwing in a crash helmet.
To get the most out of it, you will need a motorway of your own or, failing that, a motorway to yourself. How else to appreciate the full neck-twanging impact of the M6's "electronic launch control system" which, in BMW's words, "gives perfect F1-style starts from zero to maximum speed"? Because you need that, right? Monza or the B6265 east of Ripon, it's the same thing. You need to get into the first corner early, because traditionally that's where the chaos breaks out.
Launch control is just one of a batch of products filtered down into the M6 from the BMW Williams F1 department, others being the engine management system and the use of carbon fibre to reduce weight. The unpainted carbon fibre roof is meant to signal the M6's bare-chested racing cred, while underscoring the fact that it is Juan Pablo Montoya's brother by another mother. By this means, BMW hopes to create a car that can go wheel-to-wheel with other fundamentally impractical hair-raisers by the likes of Ferrari and Aston Martin, which have, respectively, history and charisma on their side in this area.
Obviously, the M6's engine is a touch more user-friendly than an F1 version. Those are built to do 300 miles then get put away in a box, whereas the M6 would hope to cover that distance in a couple of hours and go on to provide at least a few years of unbroken motoring pleasure. Even so, on ignition, the five-litre engine sets up a low burble that will be familiar to anyone who has ever stood in the vicinity of a racing car. Move off, and that burble broadens into a tight, aggressive but rounded-off roar - the sound of top-notch engineering in action, and also of money being carelessly lobbed into a furnace.
You get a seven-speed gearbox which you can tool about with in 11 ways. There are six manual programmes, wherein gear changes can be executed with the flippers on the steering wheel, and five automatic programmes, all selected via a button near the gearshift. Pick the wrong programme and you can end up lurching around like a kangaroo with blisters. Get it right and things rapidly become dangerously exciting.
Some clever play with mirrors beams your speed in orange digits on to the windscreen, just below your sightline, where it functions as a ghostly reminder or a badge of lunacy, depending on your approach. Force the accelerator down hard enough in the tightest of the sports settings and it's like being bench-pressed into your headrest by Hulk Hogan: 20 minutes daily of accelerating and braking would serve, I imagine, as an efficient upper-body work-out, albeit not a particularly aerobic one.
Who is this tall-wheeled monster for, apart from executives in BMW's own racing arm? In one of those marketing calculations you would like to know more about, BMW suggests that many of those interested in buying an M6 will already have two cars. That, and not far south of £100,000 to spend on another one. Is that you? Are you a footballer? Anyway, you can't have one - not yet. BMW knocked up a measly 400 on the first run, and they were all spoken for.
Would you want one, though, assuming they were available and you were in the market for £80,000 worth of third car? One hears the arguments of those who resist the appeal of this kind of transport. Not even the most creatively written press release could make the M6 sound eco-friendly, even if it was the only car you ever owned. Especially if it was the only car you ever owned. Every time you press the accelerator, the international price of oil goes up by around $2 a barrel. Drive for four hours without a break, and another foot of ice shears off the Arctic shelf. Drive for eight hours and Norfolk disappears under water.
Also, it couldn't be more of a boy's toy if each one came with its own Noel Edmonds. And like many self-consciously tasteful objects, the M6 flirts openly with spectacular tastelessness. At the same time, though, what a ride, and what a car. One would rather be in the M6, surely, than on it.
Model BMW M6 coupe
Price £80,755
Top speed 155mph (limited)
Acceleration 0-62mph in 4.6 secs
Consumption 19.1mpg (combined)
Emissions 357g/km (road tax band F)
At the wheel Jose Mourinho
They'd rather walk Sir Alex Ferguson
On the stereo Bryan Adams
En route for Cobham
