First, some context. I own a 1983 Mercedes 280TE estate. Something of a classic, I was told by the man who sold me it. It's big and heavy, and if you want to go round a corner, it's best to plan ahead. It has a turning circle like the Titanic's. If you want to stop, it's best to have sent a stamped, addressed envelope several days before. It is, as the man said, a beautiful old boat, and it will comfortably sit at 95mph while three people have a fight in the back about which CD you're going to pull from the capacious glovebox. So when I slid into the bucketed seats of Alfa Romeo's new sports estate and breathed in brand new car, it was something of a culture shock.
It's an attractive estate - more attractive than Alfa's 156 saloon on which it is based. It has the same creases across the sharp bonnet, a small spoiler built into the roof above the tailgate, the number plate daintily set to the side. Inside, it is on the compact side: many years of attention to car safety have compressed the interiors of cars so there are not the vast open spaces that exist in my Mercedes aircraft hanger. (This is the first Fiat Auto model to have a six-airbag option, I'm told - two front, two side and an optional two along the windows.) But it is not as small as it feels. I managed to fit a bicycle in the back without scratching too much of the paintwork.
The drive is sporty. The first corner, at a lowish speed in town, was a dreamy experience in which the Sportwagon just seemed to want to go faster. And it stops very sharply and smoothly indeed.
There's lots of nice detail inside the car too. The driving seat pumps up and down, and the steering wheel too. Airbags all round. The interior is made of the inoffensive grey plastic that every new car seems to have; the gauges are minimalist, classy, Italian. "The luggage floor," say Alfa, "is dual-sided and when turned over acts as a waterproof tray for storing ski boots or wet swimming costumes."
The doorknobs for the back are hidden in the window frames, which makes them invisible and allows a small moment of pleasure when back seat passengers are trying to work out how to get in. And there's a button that switches a digital read-out between odometer and outside air temperature, which seems entirely unnecessary but, hey, once you have it it seems really important to know exactly how many degrees C it is out there.
But the best bit is the little whistling noise. For several days, I thought I could hear police sirens in the distance. And then I realised what it was. You might not remember the scene in Mad Max where the young Aussie policeman is shown his new toy (a V8 Ford Falcon with very large super-charger). The police chief, I seem to recall, asks the mechanic to "Tell him about the blower!" And that, in a sad little way, describes the adolescent joy of having a car with a turbo-charger that kicks in and whistles at you while it's doing it.
The criticisms are not really mine. One friend who borrowed it said the diesel engine was noisy in traffic jams. And we both managed to ground it easily on speed bumps, which meant taking them a little gingerly. Another friend said that Alfas drive "light" - at high speeds with a full load on a bouncy motorway they are less stable. When weighed down with a full number of passengers it was certainly harder to handle. Alfa says it can optionally be fitted with a "sophisticated Boge-Nivomat self-levelling hydropneumatic rear suspension system", which adjusts the suspension to the load, apparently.
At first thought, a sports estate doesn't seem to make much sense. Who is it aimed at? The cheaper end of the "lifestyle estate market", according to Alfa. "Sportwagon customers will tend to lead busy, active lives." Maybe. I think it's aimed at compromise car owners like me who want to know that the motor has the capacity to transport a large number of old doors down to the dump or, say, a small coffin, or even to be able to sleep in the back. That security of size, but with it the fantasy of a speedy little number like a Z8 or MGF that goes round corners like a race car.
If I had £19,000 or so to spend on a car, then this would be very tempting. I didn't really want to give it back. In fact, I didn't. But then they sent a man round.
The lowdown
Alfa Romeo Sportwagon diesel
Price:
£19,285 (highest spec without leather interior)
Acceleration:
0-62 in 9.9 seconds
Top speed:
126mph
Consumption:
41.5 mpg (combined)
Where to go:
Italian Alps
What to put on the stereo:
Ride on Time by Black Box
Who drives it:
Blokes
