Say what you like about the Chrysler Neon, it's cheap. Also, for an American car, it's emphatically finless. Like so many vehicles in this rounded age - even, sad to say, ones designed and built in Illinois - the Neon has much in common with the outline of a boiled sweet.
But mostly it's cheap. In the UK, no 2.0 litre car in its class comes cheaper. It's a big-ish four-door car with a big-ish engine that can be bought for a little under £11,000, in basic form, which makes it, in its price range, the last chance saloon.
The Neon was the first car Chrysler launched in the UK, and it seems to have done its job in, as it were, setting down a marque. In the three years since then, 10,000 people have bought one and Chrysler has further sold 12,000 of its space bus, the Voyager. Meanwhile, Chrysler Jeep products have been nudging into the Range Rover market, making the unlikely transition from all- terrain combat vehicles to posh city run-abouts. (Jeeps seem to be popular with mothers who prefer to be bullet-proof during the school-run.)
Time, you might have thought, for Chrysler to capitalise on that performance and launch something risky and go-ahead, like a three-wheeler that uses rocket fuel or the world's first nuclear-powered convertible.
But that's not really what the legacy of Walter Percy Chrysler demands, connecting, as it does, more obviously with American ideals of affordability and the grand democratisation of driving: cheap cars running on cheap gas. So Chrysler chose to rework the Neon instead.
It has done this, it seems, in line with some very pertinent statistics about the 10,000 people who bought the first generation model. Apparently, the average Neon buyer to date is 53 years old, which is one of the reasons why you haven't seen the new car advertised in Loaded.
Arrestingly, 86% of Neon owners are married and 75% fall into the demographic subgroup known movingly as "empty-nesters" - people whose children have left home. Here, then, is a vehicle to capture the mood and needs of people who have recently discharged their major parental duties. It's an important niche that, up to now, has been principally the job of Rover to fulfil. Or, in certain extreme cases, Ferrari. But now Chrysler is lending a willing, transatlantic hand - and becoming thoroughly middle class and English in the process. You might purchase a Neon, these figures suggest, in the same quietly celebratory spirit in which you might book a short cruise, order a conservatory or arrange to re-turf the lawn.
Some traces of America remain. The gentle bong of the interior alarm that tells you you're not wearing your seat belt or that you are trying to leave without switching off the lights will be familiar to anyone who has hired a car in the US. Other faintly exotic foibles include the need to depress the clutch in order to get the engine to turn over and the button beside the ignition that you must push in order to remove the key. Otherwise, the Neon feels about as American as Newport Pagnell services.
For a vehicle designed to ferry you gently into retirement, the Neon looks pretty racey from the outside. It tips forward from the back, which makes it appear keen and feline, though this is an expectation it rather disappoints when you come to drive it and realise that the 2.0 litre engine will only pull you along politely and decorously.
First, however, on your way into the front seat, you should stop to applaud Chrysler's boldly retro persistence with a totally silent remote controlled door locking device. You press the button on the pad and nothing happens - no cocky wink from the indicators and no electronic belch, burble or yelp. It's the same when you lock up afterwards. The downside is you find yourself neurotically checking the door manually to be sure that the lock has actually engaged - which can defeat the whole remote-control idea. But your neighbours will be happier with you.
Generally it's the function of car re-thinks to be unashamedly cosmetic - the introduction of, say, a new gear-fob or a slightly squarer cigarette lighter serving as an excuse for an advertising blitz on the same old car with knobs on. On its way to offering what the manufacturers refer to as "a more mature overall package", the new Neon certainly has its share of these half-hearted twists. The badge on the front, for instance, now has a pair of long, eagle-like wings, in line with the recently up-dated global Chrysler logo. Are empty-nesters in the market for additional chrome detailing? I reckon that little additional feature could drag the average age of the customer down - who knows? - maybe all the way to 51.
But there's more room in the interior than there used to be and there are expensively researched gimmicks on board to make the car smoother than the original. The slightly more pricey LX version has part-leather seats and wood grain trim - hints of a world in which cars cost twice as much as this. These days even the personable but fundamentally tinny Ford Ka comes with power-steering, electric windows and a CD player: we are all executives now. Even so, the provision in the Neon seems bountiful.
Today, then, the cheap car; tomorrow the cheap petrol.
The lowdown
Chrysler Neon 2.0LX Price on the road: £13,495
Top speed: 124mph
0-62 mph: 10.8 seconds
Fuel consumption: 35.8mpg
On the stereo: Kiri Te Kanawa
At the wheel: Peter Alliss
En route for: the daughter's for Sunday lunch
