Cupra Ateca
Price £35,915
0-62mph 5.2 seconds
Top speed 154 mph
MPG 38
CO2 168g/km
The fastest-growing sector of the British population is people over 100 years old. It’s estimated there are now 15,000 centenarians in the UK. One of the youngest members of this group of “elite agers” is my Great Aunt Eve. She moved smoothly into triple figures last month. She’s remarkable. Laughing, chatting and even making a speech at her birthday party. She declined to tell us the secret of a long life, but it may have had something to do with the double whisky she was sipping. The celebration was in Eastbourne and we drove down in a car at the other end of the age spectrum: factory fresh and scorchingly fast, the Cupra Ateca is leading the charge in a new micro-category of sizzling-hot SUVs. “Whatever you do,” said Dad, “do not offer Eve a lift. It might finish her off…”
The Cupra can hit 62mph in 5.4 seconds and has a top speed of 152mph. It’s a four-wheeled cardiac arrest. There are faster cars out there and more expensive cars, too, but its USP is that no other SUV offers anywhere near as much pulse-quickening performance for under £40,000. Whether anyone, let alone Great Aunt Eve, would actually be able to handle such naked power is a moot point. But if you desire a compact five-seater that accelerates like a sweetly struck baseball then look no further. Its nearest equivalent is the Porsche Macan, which costs £10,000 more. Seen through that singular prism, the Cupra is the more affordable option. The target audience is people who grew up with performance cars and who now, inconveniently, have produced a family. This is a car that lets you keep hold of your past while you deal with the present – like a sort of motorised face-lift – that’s a lot more fun.
At this point, you might be wondering what a Cupra actually is. After all it looks just like a Seat. Well, it is a Seat. But in wolf’s clothing. It used to be so simple: manufacturers built cars and offered either bog-standard or sporty versions of the same model. Now the upscale variants don’t carry their parent’s name at all and sometimes even become new companies altogether: Fiat has Abarth, Citroën has DS, Toyota has Lexus, Nissan has Infiniti… and Seat has now begat Cupra. So this car is a Cupra Ateca – not a Seat Ateca. It even has its own bespoke badge – a sort of angry fox or maybe a squatting gymnast that looks more like an emblem a dodgy heavy metal band might adopt.
A new car on the block, especially one starting the bidding at almost 40 grand has a lot to prove. To tempt buyers the Cupra gets lots of goodies that you’d otherwise have to pay more for: keyless entry and start, adaptive suspension, digital instruments, DSG paddleshift gearbox and self-parking are all fitted as standard. The engine, gearbox and four-wheel drive system is essentially the same one you’ll find in the juicily powerful Volkswagen Golf R, so you can rest assured that has been tested to breaking point. Inside the car feels composed and quietly luxurious. It comes preloaded with a crop of useful driver aids, including wireless phone charger with signal booster, satnav, DAB radio and Apple CarPlay.
According to the basic laws of physics, an SUV will never handle as well as a hot hatch – it’s just too tall. But stiffer suspension controls the Cupra’s body even through the fastest corners. I drove home from Eastbourne in the teeth of Storm Gareth. Despite the buffeting and shuddering, the car remained glued reassuringly to the tarmac. Despite the promise of four glinting exhaust pipes peeping our from the rear bumper, the engine noise is strangely subdued. But on a long haul, the fun of a howling exhaust note soon passes – maybe it’s just proof that this super-heated SUV really is aimed at the super-annuated crowd.
Email Martin at martin.love@observer.co.uk or follow him on Twitter@MartinLove166
