The Citroën DS4 came in Tourmaline Orange. I’m just going to leave that there. I’m definitely not going to point out that tourmaline is a silicate mineral compound and could come in any colour. The DS has a lot of cute, pointless little innovations: the handles on the back doors are at the top of the window, not in the middle of the door; the front grate looks like the alien’s smile in Home; there’s a whole ton of chrome, which, let’s face it, is more of a treat for the onlooker than the driver.
I certainly saw no lack of panache in this vehicle, though I struggled to place it between “family” and “fun” (Citroën frames it “for the nonconformist”, which is sweet and quite, quite wrong: the last car a nonconformist would buy is a new one). In fact, this ambiguity is deliberate: it’s called a Crossback, to mark it out as some advance on a hatchback – a little bit taller, a brawler, roof bars, slightly beefed-up ground clearance. Don’t get me wrong; it’s no SUV – I’m not sure what kind of ground it’s trying to clear. I wouldn’t drive it off-road. I think it’s just trying to look kooky but grown up, like a woman in a French film who is really into walking on stilts yet still manages to be outrageously sexy.
So, when would you drive it? Stop-start keyless ignition, moderately responsive satnav; biddable, six-speed manual engine – city driving is all pretty painless and low maintenance. It doesn’t have awesome acceleration, but it does have a top speed higher than it feels (117mph), and greater, too, than you would expect, given its modesty in other areas, such as emissions.
It doesn’t feel superbly classy inside, however: nothing leaps out at you from the faceless, grey cabin. Nothing in the feel of the materials makes you want to stroke them, or stretch your legs as far as they will go, or shout, “Look at this, kids! Now we’re motoring!” in a brittle, hysterical way that makes them worry for you, or twiddle with the dials, or turn up the stereo. Its sober gear changes and sedate steering encourage a kind of resigned maturity in one’s driving.
And yet it certainly has power and poke, even if it understates them. It is a distinctive car, and not just for the colour, but for the shapely headlights and swooshy branding, too. It never makes you want to do an irresponsible thing, nor does it ever make you feel as though you’re anything less than safe as houses, on a chic, incredibly thrifty and safe journey to a place that is just so.
Citroën DS4 HDi120: in numbers
Price £23,495
Top speed 117mph
Acceleration 0-62mph 10.9 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 72.4mpg
CO2 emissions 103g/km
Eco factor 9/10
Cool factor 6/10
