‘As a driver, you have to like it, for the sheer livability, even pleasure, of long-distance travel.” On a motorway, phrases like this kept floating into my head, the sort that don’t convey very much except satisfaction.
This little Citroën DS3 is as sound as a pound; it is as fit as a flea. It loves the top speeds and could drive all day; the cabin, being leather-bedecked and roomier at the front, is ergonomic enough that I could, too. In an acceleration scenario, it will never let you down. The gear switches from third up are all smooth, smooth, smooth, but fifth to sixth is particularly battle-ready. It is eye-catching in a sweet, unassuming way, and mine was the exact colour of the blue nail varnish devised to coincide with the Cinderella movie. The fuel economy is better in the diesel version, but an official mpg of 50 or thereabouts (combined) in this petrol one is typically thrifty for the make – impressive for a model so sporty.
Life was not perfect on my odyssey across the UK. The satnav is a bit sluggish, enough to get you on to the M6 toll instead of the M42. The fuel gauge is melodramatic, and tells you you’re low on fuel about once every 30 seconds. Put two big teenagers in the back and you feel as if you’re in a joke about some elephants and a telephone box. But as a driver, you have to like it, for the pleasure of long-distance travel, as I was saying.
I did not feel the same way in town. It has quite a high biting point. As soon as I’d written that down, I minded it less, the way bitching about a loved one by email makes you forgive them. But in stop-start traffic, it’s hard on your extensor tendons. (You’ll know what those are if you persistently kick things to the point of self-injury.) I revved a lot, at the start: this is supposed to be enjoyable and make you think of a tiger in your tank. It sounded as if someone was killing a tiger with a bandsaw in mine. Second gear is not good for much, whiny and easily exhausted, like a crap dad in a Jane Austen novel.
You could go a lot greener, even within the DS3 range – you’re paying a lot of planet for your 0 to 62 acceleration. If you were prepared to push it from seven seconds to nine, you could get under 100g/km. But let’s say you’re very important, and in a tremendous hurry for a really good reason, you can still hold your head high-ish. It’s a cute car, for cute people, in acute scenarios. @zoesqwilliams
Citroën DS3 DSport Plus THP 165 S&S 6-speed manual: in numbers
Price from £19,000 (as tested £20,295)
Top speed 135mph
Acceleration 0-62mph in 7.5 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 50.4mpg
CO2 emissions 129g/km
Eco rating 7/10
Cool rating 7/10
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