Less emissions, more emotions, is Seat's grammatically questionable slogan for its Ecomotive range. Dubious in terms of veracity, too. Not the emissions, which are impressively low, but the emotions. I'm just not getting much in that department, I'm afraid.
Which is disappointing, after looking through the brochure, full of pictures of beautiful, tanned young people grooving in the sunshine, clearly in love, with each other and with their Seat Ibizas. "Youthful spirit has always been the beating heart of the Seat Ibiza," the blurb says. "A car that fizzes with fun while laying down some serious performance." Again, I'm not feeling the fizz or the fun, certainly not the serious performance. There's talk of "passion", "exilaration" (sic), even a "definite glint of mischief in its headlights". All of which has been achieved through something called "enjoyneering".
Annoyeering, more like. The Ecomotive range may be a step in the right direction in terms of not doing too much damage to the planet, but these copywriters are devastating the English language. Perhaps they should forget all the fizziness and fun, and stop pretending that stepping into a Seat Ibiza is the same as stepping on to the island of Ibiza itself, and that you will be surrounded by sunshine, love, music and beauty. Happy days.
No one's seriously going to fall for that, are they? They're going to get one of these because the numbers make sense. And they do for the Ecomotive Ibiza, three of them in particular. Eighty, for a start, which is how far it will go, in miles, on a gallon of diesel. Then 92, which is how much CO2 it produces in grams per kilometre, meaning that road tax is free and there's no London congestion charge. And 15,000, which is what one costs in British spondulicks (OK, it's a bit more).
Those numbers are seriously impressive. And they're achieved in a car that might not get the passion juices flowing but is likable enough. Its unspectacular exterior is enlivened by a couple of fashionable creases. And don't forget that glint of mischief in the headlights. Did it just wink at me? Ay ay, cheeky, I'll see you later…
Inside, it's cheap and cheerful, with just about everything you need and not much else. It trundles along perfectly adequately, as you'd expect of a 75 PS 1.2 TDI with an emphasis on economy. Unemotionally.
Actually, trundle isn't quite right. It makes a strange noise, something between a leaf blower and the loose flatulence of the elderly. Not unpleasing – perhaps this is what they mean by "enjoyneering".
Seat Ibiza ST SE 1.2 TDI CR Ecomotive 75 PS
Price £15,280
Top speed 107mph
Acceleration 0-62mph in 13.9 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 80.7mpg
CO2 emissions 92g/km
Eco rating 8/10
Cool rating 5/10
