This is the second generation cee'd. They've made it longer, lower and narrower. More aerodynamic, with resulting improvements in fuel efficiency and C02 emissions. It's also stiffer, which – for anyone who isn't an expert in automotive engineering – is a good thing (no one wants to drive a flaccid car, do they?). Better all round, then.
There is one thing they've blatantly failed to address, though. I'm talking about the apostrophe, of course. The lower-case c, well, that's just childish and irritating. The apostrophe is a catastrophe, a punctuation abomination. Apostrophes are used to signify possession, or to mark missing letters. The d following this one would suggest the latter – 'd means either had or would. So, given a good subediting, this is either a Kia Cee Had or a Kia Cee Would, right? Had or would what, though? Has it reversed itself into the past perfect tense? Is there some kind of condition attached?
Come to think about it, how do you refer to this car in the conditional mood, conversationally, with contractions? A Kia cee'd'd be an excellent car if it didn't have such a stupid name – like that, with a double apostrophe? Huh, they didn't think of that, did they? Idiots.
It is… an excellent car. If not a specially lovable one. Kia says it no longer makes cars that just appeal to the logical rather than the emotional side of the brain. That may be true of the Soul or the Sportage, both of which have a certain Tonka toy charm. Not so the cee'd. Even in its new, slinkier form, it still looks like a whole bunch of other cars. No one's going to get one because they've always dreamed of having a cee'd. Or because they see it and they think: yes, I love it, that's the car for me. Or because of the thrilling driving experience.
They're going to get one because it's good value for money, with an impressive amount of kit, plenty of space, too, in the back and in the boot, and an amazing seven-year warranty. It makes sense.
We went to Norfolk – sensibly, logically, unexcitingly (no one's going to be calling it a lightning cee'd, as a little pun). With everything required for a weekend in Norfolk, and space to spare.
And we may have looked a little enviously at the Golfs, but then laughed when we remembered they'd paid more than we did. Or would've done, if the cee'd'd really been ours. Plus, they probably didn't even have cruise control.
Where in Norfolk? Not far from King's Lynn, as it happens. With an apostrophe. Because it's a lynn, and it probably once belonged to a king. OK?
Kia cee'd GDI
Price £17,195 (trim level 2)
Top speed 118mph
Acceleration 0-60mph in 9.8 seconds
Combined consumption 52.3mpg
CO2 emissions 124g/km
Eco rating 7/10
Cool rating 3/10
